Good Morning Badger Batalion
"Wake up Neo!"
”Stop calling me that... and let me sleep in a few more blocks."
"WAKE UP!" She exclaimed. She wore wore a hoodie, faded-black jeans, and Start9 cap with a ponytail threaded through the back.
"Woah, what's wrong Wendy?
"All hell broke lose. Wait until you see the news."
Frank checked his favorite anonymous news bot
Frank jumps out of bed, wearing nothing but black Bitcoin Panties because he loves hard money and soft fabric. His morning wood days sailed off into the sunset about 520,000 blocks ago, but he still packs big nostr energy and eats a Rib Eye pocket steak. He judo rolls out of bed and snatched the only pair of jeans in his closet. He grabbed his pleb hat and flipped it around to show off his trillion dollar coin. He judo rolls onto the bed, knocks off his hat, sticks his legs in the air and puts both pant legs on at a time.
Wendy turns on the normie tube.
🚨🚨Breaking News!🚨🚨
The president is holding a press conference witnin the next few minutes to address the latest act of terrorism. We expect him to begin the news conference in about.... The president is taking the podium. He's about to speak. We're going to listen to the president address the nation about the latest terrorist attack.
My fellow Americans.
The International banking system was encrypted last night at 12:21 a.m. EST. An unknown group left a vulgar message that says our financial system was attacked by ransomware. I have assigned a special task force at the NSA to find a solution to this problem and get the banking system up and running as soon as possible.
In the meantime. I have signed into law Executive Order 6103. This executive order will ensure the safety of every single sat held by every single American. I have used my executive powers to temporarily protect all bitcoin on every exchange, pension, 401k, ETF or bitcoin treasury company. Within 90 days, the NSA must account for all of this bitcoin and transfer it to our ultra secure multisignature wallet. Every American citizen will be require to give custody of their bitcoin to the government using the ultra-secure, official, social Security website which can be found at http://socialsecurityisnotinsovlent.gov/
Good evening, and GOD BLESS AMERICA!
There will be no questions taken at this time.
A woman with a make up chiseling her nose into a pyramid stares square in the camera. She looks like every other nocoiner woman: Kim Kardasian. "If you're just tuning in--The president says the NSA is working on solving the ransomware attack that crippled the entire banking system for the night, but he will temporarily confiscate all bitcoin within 90 days to help us through..."
Wendy muted the smart surveillance TV.
"Holy smokes!. What are the nostr punks doing about this?" Frank asked while palm slapping his face". "I assume we have a mission?"
"Of course. We meet at block 1,545,034 at our usual location to assemble the ghost guns and plan our mission. The plan is to distribute the bitcoin off Casino Base. They think they know where the SSS keys are but you know the motto. Don't trust, verify. You should check the message yourself." Wendy smiled. After all these blocks, his smile still gave her carnivore stomach butterflies.
"I know, but I trust you. I'm going back to sleep. We have a big week ahead." Frank removes his clothes. He sets his alarm clock for 12 more blocks, block height 1,544,632. He looks at the captain's message, considers his options, and thinks of the passphrase. He's fast AF asleep by block 1,544,621.
"Sleep tight Neo."
☮️
If you trust the author, you can read the captain's message in the clear here.